Another Sad Day

You think that one heart-wrenching day would be enough, but life doesn't work like that. Not every day is perfect and mine have been close to perfection so far. The bubble is officially burst. There is a world out there and I'm coming too close to reality. Maybe even to the "edge of the alphabet."

Welcome to the Real.

I received more bad news today. For a while I didn't understand what someone was telling me. Then the news hit me and I understood. I heard everything. I started to cry in the middle of UBC and had to hide under a tree and lean against it because I couldn't handle more bad news.

I am not doing so well. I'm in denial. I can't stop crying. I can't stop blaming myself because I'm out here, but what could I possibly do in Toronto. But, I shouldn't have abandoned Toronto. I shouldn't have run away. I should have stayed there and maybe just maybe things wouldn't be so bad.

I got home hoping I could escape and crawl under my sheets and just sleep. Didn't get much sleep from the previous night and everyone in class noticed I looked really tired today. I just needed sleep.

But, instead I saw the doors to my apartment wide open. Why was someone invading my personal space? I was even more angry internally. The owner was fixing the door. But, he didn't tell me he was going to do that. I couldn't fight. I couldn't argue. I just let it slide. Then they just wanted to talk to me about other things: the router! I am sick and tired of hearing that my router is not secure. So I said, fine, let your son fix it today.

By the time they left, I felt exhausted. I collapsed in my white chair and just stared at the wall. Tears started to run down my cheeks. I felt so alone. Who do I call? Who do I contact that I could lean on? So many names went through my head, but being 2082 miles away from them not even a phone call would fill the emptiness I feel.

There's one person who would have understood completely. He was a huge part of my life, but ever since I moved out here, he only talks to me if I message him on MSN. Even if I poured my heart out, I know he couldn't do anything to make me feel better. It's not like he would pick up the phone, or even fly out here.

There are friend that I can lean on. No matter what the distance is, I know who I can talk too and they will support me. Just hearing a friendly voice makes all the difference in the world. Just knowing that I am not forgotten. Just knowing that someone actually wrote down my new phone number.

I've had a crappy day and I'm exhausted. I can't even begin to put the emotions into words because I can't describe them.

But, I know this person would want me to keep going. Seize the day, follow your dream, don't let anything slow you down, keep at it and you will achieve it all.

I need to sleep now. Maybe that will calm me down.