Marilyn Manson

I knew we were going to meet in Europe.

When I was in Poland in May, I was very tempted to fly and see him perform in Paris. I am glad I didn't. I saw a huge concert on Monday night. Performing for the very first time in Turkey - I was part of history.

Radarlive festival - an outdoor festival at Solar Beach on the Black Sea - three days of music from over 60 bands. I had a VIP pass (media of course) for three days. Unfortunately, I got to use it only on Monday.

I asked for Monday off. I was going to spend the whole day at the Black Sea - swimming, tanning, listening to music. That did not happen.

I woke up and went into work in the morning. I decided I would leave with the culture editor - Asli. That also didn't happen. The new intern didn't show up. I had to go back into editing and the finance person didn't show up either!

It must have been instinct...or something.

I left the office at 4:15. Took a shuttle bus from Taksim up winding, narrow streets to the Black Sea coast.

When I saw the sea, I couldn't move. Work was the furthest thing on my mind.

I immediately scoped out the situation. Lounge here, food there, stage one here, main stage there, beach entrences everywhere.

It is custom here to lounge on beaches on large cushions. Lounge areas around the beach were covered and had people relaxing on over-sized pillows with drinks in hand.

I took the boardwalk to the beach.

Took off my shoes. Stuffed them into my bag. Rolled up my pants as far as they would go (regretting not wearing a skirt) and headed straight for the sea.

I let the sea wash over my feet. It felt amazing. With all the heat we are getting, the water was warm. It was so soothing.

I ended up walking along the watershore into the VIP resort area and was taking pictures of my feet in the water, the crashing waves, the sand, seashells and rows upon rows of lounge chairs with umbrellas. How European.

I felt inspired to write, but didn't have my journal. I sat on the lounge chair and just looked out to the sea.

Upon my return, I found an empty cushion in the sand and sat there until my feet dried. Hours passed and I didn't even notice.

I decided to see a Turkish band perform on the smaller stage. They were very nu-metal but entertaining. I saw a girl who reminded me of Marisa and at that moment I felt pain in my stomach. I miss my friends. I haven't seen them in seven months now. I miss the connection we had. I miss the jokes we were able to tell. I miss them.

The concert ended and I looked out to the beach and sea again only to notice two men on horseback with an extra pony. I was grounded. My dream of riding on a horse along the seashore was right there in front of my eyes. I couldn't reach for my camera. The image will forever be embedded in my mind.

I bumped into a girl I was introduced to at a party. Then I found one of the culture writers and we had a bun doner (thank goodness I saw him because he did all the ordering of my very complex demanding meal) and afterwards a guy that one of my friends put me in touch with called to let me know he was there. Went to get him and went back to the culture guy and what do you know - they knew each other!

Instead of people looking out for me, I am the one who is friends with everyone.

Asli knew to just let me go - I would be totally fine and I was!

I saw the Horrors perform - what an amazing stage performance. Listen to them if you haven't already.

Then the Long Blondes performed - very punk but also a great sound. The lead singer reminds me of Gwen Stefani (her voice). The band needs a bigger stage performance - anything would be better than just standing and playing instruments.

Then Asli came - she made it right in time for Marilyn Manson.

People gathered. The sun set! IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. Not a cloud in the sky. Star-studded sky. Manson came out. It was meant to be.

The performance was really bad. He was lacking his usual enthusiasm and there was no show. He always puts on a well choreographed show. Not this time.

He looked like he really didn't want to sing any of his old songs. Like it was painful for him to be doing so, yet the crowd ate it up. That's what they wanted to see: old Manson.

He looked passionate when singing his new stuff, after all, that is who he is right now. Except, the crowd was not receptive.

The set was horrible and his encore sucked (of course it was the Beautiful People) but no stage props.

Nothing.

I was just happy to hear him sing - even though his enthusiasm in his voice is gone.

I wrote a review for the paper.
Read it. Comment. Ask Questions.

Rock is not dead, just sucked dry.
I personally like the title in the paper: Manson struggles in love and performance.

Next music festival: JAZZ!

Going to three concerts. July is the month for outdoor music festivals and for coming in on my day off, they owe me one.