Sigh
I feel like everything I do comes and goes. It becomes a blur and I lose all recollection of doing it.
On Friday I was on a strict 7:00 p.m. deadline for a news story. Traveled all the way to Burnaby (Toronto's - Scarborough) to attend a board of directors meeting. I sat at one for a year, I knew this was going to be deathly boring. Couldn't write about another court case - and this one was sounding so good - murder & drug case!
It was pouring on Friday. Cold, windy - absolutely dreadful. I managed to set off the alarm in my apartment, get completely soaked by a splash from a puddle thanks to an oncoming vehicle and get chilled to the bone.
The whole way there I kept repeating: It's a good day. It's a great day. It's a fabulous day. You can do this.
The up side - I got to take the SkyTrain for the first time. It reminded me of Europe. Same set up inside the trains and the generic woman's voice announcing each station.
Then it all went downhill. I had no news story from the board meeting. I kept interviewing people. Managed to get five interviews in the afternoon and about an hour and a half before the deadline, I was still listening to the interviews and transcribing the most important parts.
That's when I broke down and started to cry. My first grad break down. I was filled with thoughts of: why am I out here doing this and I seriously do not belong here and I will never be a reporter.
Then it was all done. I finished it at exactly 7:00 p.m. Emailed it two minutes later and it was over.
On my way to a girl's night, it hit me. I don't remember what happened in the last four hours. It was a blur. I stress out, I panic, I cry and when it is done right before the deadline, I forget about it. I've never been much of a student. Always managed to pull something out of thin air hours before it was due and always get an amazing mark (otherwise I wouldn't be on a scholarship in grad school). But, why do I have no recollection of actually doing it? I don't remember the context of my article. If I was asked what my lede was, I wouldn't be able to tell you. It just was. It exists, I just don't remember.
Is my memory slipping or do I really not care and I'm just getting by because I have to do it?
Or better yet, because it is done, I don't have to think about it anymore. But what bothers me is how I actually managed to get it done. That's what surprises me. How does everything fall into place? I had no problem getting the interviews - piece of cake. Got more than I needed, yet when they were done, I couldn't remember what I talked about with whom.
It must be my memory.
On Friday I was on a strict 7:00 p.m. deadline for a news story. Traveled all the way to Burnaby (Toronto's - Scarborough) to attend a board of directors meeting. I sat at one for a year, I knew this was going to be deathly boring. Couldn't write about another court case - and this one was sounding so good - murder & drug case!
It was pouring on Friday. Cold, windy - absolutely dreadful. I managed to set off the alarm in my apartment, get completely soaked by a splash from a puddle thanks to an oncoming vehicle and get chilled to the bone.
The whole way there I kept repeating: It's a good day. It's a great day. It's a fabulous day. You can do this.
The up side - I got to take the SkyTrain for the first time. It reminded me of Europe. Same set up inside the trains and the generic woman's voice announcing each station.
Then it all went downhill. I had no news story from the board meeting. I kept interviewing people. Managed to get five interviews in the afternoon and about an hour and a half before the deadline, I was still listening to the interviews and transcribing the most important parts.
That's when I broke down and started to cry. My first grad break down. I was filled with thoughts of: why am I out here doing this and I seriously do not belong here and I will never be a reporter.
Then it was all done. I finished it at exactly 7:00 p.m. Emailed it two minutes later and it was over.
On my way to a girl's night, it hit me. I don't remember what happened in the last four hours. It was a blur. I stress out, I panic, I cry and when it is done right before the deadline, I forget about it. I've never been much of a student. Always managed to pull something out of thin air hours before it was due and always get an amazing mark (otherwise I wouldn't be on a scholarship in grad school). But, why do I have no recollection of actually doing it? I don't remember the context of my article. If I was asked what my lede was, I wouldn't be able to tell you. It just was. It exists, I just don't remember.
Is my memory slipping or do I really not care and I'm just getting by because I have to do it?
Or better yet, because it is done, I don't have to think about it anymore. But what bothers me is how I actually managed to get it done. That's what surprises me. How does everything fall into place? I had no problem getting the interviews - piece of cake. Got more than I needed, yet when they were done, I couldn't remember what I talked about with whom.
It must be my memory.
posted by Anna Kat at 1:37 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home